Insert Sappy Song Title
by jinkiez
Summary: The South Park kids are stuck inside another horribly cliche fanfiction. What will they do to escape?
1. Hello Kitty Madness

_This story is just a parody of all the South Park fanfiction cliches I've seen. Its written badly on purpose (as a joke). I have nothing against people who use any of these things in their stories..I just thought it'd be funny to write._

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Butters skipped happily down the sidewalk of his cold Colorado mountain town, listening to some kind of happy gay music on his Hello Kitty i-pod. He wore a super-duper tight fitting Hello Kitty sweatshirt, and a pair of equally tight, ballbusting jeans with a "Hello Kitty" logo imprinted on the back. He took off his Hello Kitty headphones for a moment to stop and tie the Hello Kitty shoelaces on his Hello Kitty sneakers, then looked down at his Hello Kitty watch. (Okay, I know what you're thinking..where the hell did he get all these "Hello Kitty" products? Well, from Japan, of course! You silly goose!)

All of a sudden, a gust of wind approached and his thin, 50 pound frame nearly blew away as he knelt to tie his shoes. "Oh jeez, I don't wanna get blown away again! Hamburgers!" he grabbed onto a nearby pole, the roaring wind threatening to take him away at any moment.

He clung on for dear life, finally letting go after a few minutes when the wind had died down. It was now safe to walk again, but he'd have to take certain precautions. You see, the boy was frighteningly skinny, despite _not_ being anorexic or severely ill, and was also _not _shaped like a boy at all - perhaps he had some sort of congenital disease. "Phew, that sure was close!" he panted, and then resumed skipping down the sidewalk like a little girl. "Loo loo loo, I've got some apples!" he sang cheerfully.

He was so busy thinking about ponies and rainbows and unicorns, and anything else that a normal 16 year old boy would think about, that he didn't even notice a large figure approaching him from the opposite end of the sidewalk. Those happy thoughts were interrupted when he made eye contact with the other boy.

"Uh oh!" Butters cried, or whimpered, or squeaked (Um...maybe he's part dog? Or duck?). He tried to speak, but suddenly developed a Jimmy-like stutter. "E-e-e-eric, P-p-p-ppplease d-d-d-don't..." (2 minutes later) "b-b-beat me up!" he yelped.

"What?" the large boy grunted, confusion written all across his face. Might I add that he was no longer fat - well, he still had a little fat, but underneath it was pure, solid Hulk Hogan muscle. Apparently, sitting around playing video-games all day had done wonders for his physique. He had become incredibly strong, and eventually joined the football team because Cartman is totally not lazy and loves sports. He shook his head, large muscles popping out of his neck - "Why the hell would I beat you up, Butters?"

"W-uh-well, you know, since I caught you and K-Kyle makin' out in that random alleyway the other d-day." Butters replied sheepishly, wringing his hands together. "WHAT?" Eric shrieked. "You know..y-you guys we're all f-f-fightin' and then, s-suddenly, it turned into uhh, some kind of scene f-from Brokeback M-Mountain. Don't you remember?"

Eric's rolled his eyes, gritting his teeth at the same time. "God dammit, not this again! I didn't know that was in the script!" he yelled angrily. Butters sighed. "Well, did you even read it?" he asked, his stutter having magically disappeared. "No. I was busy taking a crap on the toilet." Eric said. He rubbed his chin, then smirked evilly. "Wait..So does this mean Kyle has to suck my balls?" he said, venom dripping from his voice.

"Uhh..I don't remember that being anywhere in the story." Butters replied, looking through a sheet of papers. "Oh, actually, in chapter 32, you have to suck _his_ balls."

"Let me see that!" the other boy yelled, snatching the papers from Butters' grip. He scanned through the pages and a mortified look came across his face. "The fuck! Who wrote this shit?" he threw the papers on the ground and stomped on them.

"Sexually confused teenager #46, it says on the coversheet." Butters responded, quite unphased by the whole ordeal. He'd stopped caring after the first 30 times of being cast as a flamboyantly gay crossdressing teen with self esteem issues. Which, he thought, would _actually_ be a better role for Cartman - who dressed up as a woman practically every season.

"This is bullshit! I would never drive some crappy pickup truck." Eric complained as he looked over the papers once more. "Yeah, well look at me! I wasn't allowed to eat for weeks, and they forced me to wear a corset so that I'd look like a girl! This is child abuse, gosh darnit!" Butters ripped the pink hello kitty bracelets off his arm and threw them into the snow.

All of a sudden, two other boys came walking down the sidewalk. One of them was a Jew, who happened to be very Jewish (because he was a Jew), and the other one was a super popular, super good looking jock. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Butters and Cartman lighting fire to a sheet of papers.

"What the hell is going on?" Kyle asked nerdily. His voice sounded similar to Steve Urkel. He gasped when he saw Butters' bones were poking out from his skin, and Cartman being suddenly larger and taller than all of them. Eric turned to face them, the Earth rumbling below him as he moved his feet. "HAHAHA! Oh man, this is sweet!" he laughed hysterically at the appearance of his two buddies. "I'm stronger than all of you! Hahaha!"

"Can somebody please explain to me what's going on?" Stan said worriedly. "I woke up this morning, and suddenly I look like Zac Efron..Is this a nightmare? I don't wanna be that douchebag!" he cried.

Cartman stopped to breathe for a moment, then resumed his fit of maniacal laughter. "Oh my gahd, Kyle looks like the girl on the Little Debbie cake boxes! HAHAHAHA!"

"Fuck off fatass. This isn't me!" Kyle said, turning red with rage. Almost as red as his incredibly red, curly Jewish hair, which was indeed very curly and red, and Jewish. And did I mention that he was a Jew?

Stan sat his perfectly chiseled underwear model body down on the curb and started to panic. Butters looked like a freak, Cartman looked like He-Man after Jenny Craig, and his best friend Kyle looked like a ginger midget transvestite. Something strange was going on, he just didn't know what. Because unfortunately for him, his retarded jock brain was poor at deciphering mysteries. He grunted, running a hand through his flawlessly styled black hair.

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_Thats all for now! Oh and P.S. if you have a cliche you'd like to see let me know. I will continue this as soon as I get more time XD_


	2. Cafeteria Drama

_Wow I'm surprised people liked this! I thought it was totally lame and nobody would read it. I'm sorry that it took me so long to update. Unfortunately school just started again and now if I'm on the computer I'm writing stupid essays. Thank you all for the reviews & favs! I promise to try and get the next chapter up faster._

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An hour or so later, Stan decided to give up on trying to figure out why his friends were different, only to realize that they were all gone. They must have left while his mind wandered off from mystery solving to a dreamland of hot pockets. "Mmmm..yeah..I'm hungry!" he mumbled to himself. "I've got to stay buff..for football..wait, I don't even like football that much.. Why do I feel like it's the only aspect of my life all of a sudden? I'm so confused!"

He grabbed a snowball and threw it against a brick wall, screaming out in warcry. He trudged off and kept on walking until he found himself standing in a school cafeteria. How the hell he ended up in a cafeteria, I don't know. He just did, okay?

"Oh shit..I'm in highschool now. I better mature fast if I want Wendy to like me!" he thought frantically, trying to cool his thoughts. The cafeteria was pretty crowded that day, and Stan had no idea where to sit. He scanned through a few dozen tables and caught sight of a jewfro standing apart from a mob. He was going to wave, until he realized that the mob was actually Craig and those other guys, and they were about to beat Kyle up. Craig had a grip on Kyle's jacket collar, and the rest of them were cheering him on. Stan broke in between the fight. "Hey! What the hell is your problem, asshole?" he yelled. Craig shrugged. "I don't know. I just had to urge to beat Kyle up." he replied in his monotone. He was ready to throw a punch, because Craig was super strong and stuff.

"Craig, I thought you _hate _drama. You like things nice and boring, remember?" Kyle said. "Yeah well whatever, I'm a big big bully now, and I'm gonna kick your ass!" he yelled, and was about to punch him when -

"LET HIM GO!" Cartman roared from out of nowhere, wearing a Coon outfit and mask (I don't have a reason to put him in the coon costume here, I just thought it was cute). He picked up Craig and threw him all the way across the cafeteria, sending him flying through a window, the glass shattering in a million directions as he hit. Craig landed in the icy snow outside with a loud crunch. "Ow..my nose! I think it's broken!" he cried. Surprisingly, the rest of him was fine, but his nose was a bloody butchered mess. "You jackass!" he hollared as his crew came to save him.

"Uhh.. thanks, Cartman." Kyle replied gingerly (because he's a ginger get it ? XD). Cartman beamed at his accomplishment. "Psh, I wasn't trying to help you, asshole! I just wanted to test out my new muscles." he flexed his enormous biceps, the solid turd-like muscle definition popping out of his arms. The girls all gawked.

Bebe and her friends came running over to the scene. They were wearing 90's gogo dancer platforms, and their outfits seemed to come straight out of a Spice Girls video. Bebe wore Ganguro makeup and hair and her super best bitch Wendy had on bright red lipstick, ten layers of mascara, and blush redder than a cherry. The other girls had, too, adorned themselves with generic whore makeup and skimpy sparkly outfits. What, you think it's strange to wear belly shirts and miniskirts in a chilly Colorado mountain town? You obviously don't know South Park.

"HI LADIES!" a thin arm wrapped around Bebe and Red, belonging to none other than the notorious town manwhore, Kenny McWhoremick. He'd lost his childhood orange parka and instead wore a bright green leopard velour pimp suit and cane. He was also stunningly beautiful, which was why all the ladies liked him. His smile was like something out of a crest commercial. He must have won the lottery and got porcelain veneers, because seriously; nobody that lives off frozen waffles has a million dollar smile when they grow up. "Does anyone remember why I'm wearing a pimp outfit?" he asked, inspecting at the strange cane in his hand.

He took one glance at his childhood friends and then burst into laughter. "Woah, what the fuck happened to you guys?" he snickered. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows. "Don't ask, dude. None of today has made any sense so far. I just want things to go back to normal. I want to be nine again!" he fumed. Stan wasn't paying attention. He was too busy staring at Wendy's extremely large boobs, while Cartman flexed his muscles and threw chairs and tables across the cafeteria for strength practice.

"I don't even know what you guys are talking about. Boys are so weird!" Bebe giggled as she strutted off with the rest of her spoiled whore posse.

Wendy was the only one to stay behind, as she watched Stan observing her gigantic boobs. She waved a hand in front of his face and shook him out of his trance. "Hi Stan!" she greeted in her sickeningly sweet tone.

Stan blinked, suddenly aware that he was still standing there. And he still wanted a hot pocket really, really bad. "Uh..oh..Hi Wendy." he answered nervously. Kenny and Kyle chuckled as they watched as Stan try to keep from barfing up everything in his stomach. "You know Kenny..we may be in some strange parallel universe where Stan is missing half a brain, but deep down inside I think he's still sorta the same Stan." Kyle whispered.

"So how have you been?" Wendy asked a sing song voice. "Umm..good, I guess?" Stan replied, still in a trance of jocky stupor.

"Up to anything special lately?" she prodded, poking his chest playfully. "No, not really." he responded dully, scratching his head.

"WELL THEN WOULD YOU MIND EXPLAINING _THIS_ TO ME?" she screamed, pulling a candid photograph out of her pocket. The photo was of Kyle and Stan making out behind the school. She shoved it in front of Stan's face, and then shot an evil glare at Kyle.

"Wuh-WHAT?" Stan gasped, grabbing the picture. "Where did you get this?" he asked incrediously. "From Bebe. She saw you guys out there when she went out for a smoke break! How could you do this to me, Stan! With..with _him_! We're done, through!" she ripped a wedding ring off her finger and threw it at him, then started to storm off.

"Wait, wait Wendy! That's not even me! That's Zac Efron! I don't know who that other guy is!" Stan pleaded. "Really! Just look at it!"

Wendy turned and rolled her eyes. "What's going on?" Kyle came over, noticing the ghostly look on Stan's face. That was when Wendy slapped Kyle in the face dramatically. "You..you are such a slut! You're a freaking midget transvetite whore! You don't even look like you have a gender!" she sobbed and ran off in her 5 inch heels, her underwear and butt hanging out from her miniskirt as she took off.

"Aw, no! My highschool life's officially ruined. It's only been 10 minutes and it's already over." Stan said bleakly. He sat down on a lunch table bench and put his head in his hands. Butters came up and patted him on the back. "Aw, cheer up Stan. At least you're not a scrawny little wimp like me! You're still the star quarterback."

"What was she so angry about?" Kyle asked frantically, sitting down on the bench. He rubbed the red mark on his face from where Wendy slapped him. Stan threw the picture at him and sighed. "Apparently, we're gay now, and I'm never going to get laid because all the girls in school saw this picture."

Kyle gaped in horror at the picture. "Sick! We're not gay!" He found it frightening that this new version of Stan was actually incredibly attractive, and photogenic. Well, except for the douchey resemblance to that Disney TV star.

"The picture says otherwise." Kenny chuckled at the photo. "Shut up Kenny!" they both yelled.


	3. Elton John Sunglasses

_I'm the worst story updater ever. Sorry guys! This isn't even that long, it shouldn't have taken me a week to update it._

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"Did I miss the catfight between Little Debbie and Wendy Bitchburger?" Cartman was back from hurling large objects about to join the rest of his friends at their lunch table. He had a large plate full of chicken wings and mashed potatoes with him. "Which ho won?"

The girls table was at the other end of the gigantic, unnecessarily large cafeteria. They all seemed to be gossiping amongst eachother and glaring daggers at Stan and Kyle. Well, all except for Red, who was oogling Kenny, squishing her boobs together and trying to look sexy.

Stan sat hunched over the lunch table, head buried in his arms. He didn't like the way this day was going so far. Kyle was trying to console him, but his attempts at doing so probably just made him appear more gay, especially to the hundreds of eyes that were watching them. Yes, every other student in the cafeteria was staring at them; not eating, not talking to their friends, but just watching what Stan and Kyle were doing. Apparently none of them had lives of their own.

"Kyle, what if this is real life? What if we're stuck here forever? I don't want this to be my life!" Stan cried desperately. "I mean, nobody else seems to realize what's going on!" Kyle was about to reply, but was cut off by a burst of maniacal laughter from Cartman. "OH MY GOD, I always knew you two were fags!" he snickered, holding the picture of them making out in his hands.

"WE'RE NOT GAY CARTMAN!" Kyle yelled loudly, though nobody outside their table could hear it. They were oblivious to anything but embarassing slips that benefited the plot of the story in some way. Kyle grabbed the picture from Cartman and ripped it to shreds. "Where did you get this from, anyway?" he fumed.

Just then, Craig came over from out of nowhere, holding a printout of the very same picture. He made his way cautiously around Cartman, then budged in between Stan and Kyle on the bench seat.

"You guys, I just wanted to apologize for making photocopies of that picture and then handing them out to everyone in school this morning. Oh, and your parents." he offered apologetically, putting an arm around Stan and Kyle. "I was being a jerk then, but now I've changed. Let's put it behind us, okay?" He patted Kyle on the back, while his left arm traveled down to Stan's ass and squeezed it.

"Dude!" Stan flinched, shoving Craig away from him. "Get the hell away from me!"

"You don't have to worry about being gay, Stan." Craig assured him. "I mean, a lot of us are gay, even though we won't admit it." he looked down at his lap guiltily. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm gay too. For Tweek." he whispered.

Cartman blew a funny fuse. He wanted to laugh, but he simply couldn't. This was _almost_ as funny as the time he saw people with asses on their heads. Because before, Craig always ripped on him for being fat, but now _he_ could rip on him for being gay, and it would totally be true! He looked down at the stack of chicken wings on his plate and continued devouring them. He didn't even need to embarass Craig this time, because he had been doing a great job at it himself. His outfit looked like an Elton John stage costume circa 1976, complete with big funky glasses and solar systems revolving around them.

"If you're so gay for Tweek, then would you mind keeping your hand away from my ass?" Stan yelled. He was ready to punch this new gay Craig, but after seeing Kyle nearly get beat up, he felt a bit intimidated. Kenny would have stepped in, but he was too busy staring at the girls and their triple D boobs. He was also probably hungover from a night of heavy drinking, drugs, partying, and fooling around with Butters because he was drunk and mistook him for a girl, so he didn't really know what they were talking about anyway.

"I'm sure Tweek over there wouldn't mind. He has a poster of your ass on his wall." Craig said nonchalantly, gesturing to where Tweek was sitting. Stan turned around and saw Tweek waving and winking at him coyly, his long lashes fluttering about like butterflies. He shivered. "Besides, it's not like _Kyle_ here has been very faithful either. Right, Kyle?" he smirked. "Bet you didn't think anyone knew about you and Cartman, huh?"

Kyle spit his chocolate milk all over the table. Craig was smirking at him as if to say "_HA! Stan's mine now!" _

Cartman felt himself choke on his chicken bone as well. He'd been ignoring most of their faggy conversation up until he heard his name mentioned. "What the hell are you on about, Craig?" he grumbled.

"Don't act dumb, tubby! Why the other day I saw you guys-"

"Stop! I don't even want to hear about it." Kyle cut in, feeling sick to his stomach. The idea of him being gay with Cartman made him nauseous. Cartman was grinning sadistically, and we all know he was probably planning to rape Kyle later in the story.

But what was this Stan was feeling? Hurt, betrayal? He wasn't sure, but his hormones had sure been acting up all day. Suddenly everything was confusing, and he felt like a girl. His emotions were a flip-floppity mess. "Kyle, is this true?" he asked, a pang of hurt in his voice.

Kyle just looked at him incredulously. "DUDE, come on!"

Apparently, that was all Stan needed to hear. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry, I've been feeling weird lately." he mumbled, rubbing his temple. His thoughts were all over the place lately. For some reason, he found himself thinking less and less of Wendy. So what if he'd supposedly cheated on her? Wendy was a bitch, slut, whore, and any other expletive name he could think of. What boy wants to date a girl with boobs that big anyway? Even though he was just staring at them 10 minutes ago, none of that seemed to matter anymore.

"No, it's totally true!" Cartman argued. "Kyle came over and offered to suck my balls, but I was all like _No way_,_ I'm not gay_. So he practically tried to rape me! I'm telling you guys, he's a dirty jew rat whore."

"I'm going to kill you!" Kyle screamed, once again turning as red as a tomatoe that had been baked in the sun on the equator for 24 hours and then painted red.

"Ha! I'd like to see you try, asshole!" Cartman retorted, laughing once again. "You're like, 5 feet tall! And I'm 6'11! Hahaha!" Kyle looked down at his twiggy arms and growled. "As soon as we get back to normal, I'm going to rip your fucking head off!"

Cartman, big as he was, looked genuinely scared in that moment. He wasn't sure if Kyle would actually rip his head off - who knows what chick hormones might cause a man to do. Butters cut into their brawl, putting his hands on the table. "N-now fellas! Aint no need to fight, I think there's a way out of this." he stuttered.

"What are you guys talking about?" Craig asked, twirling his flippantly gay hair around and smacking on chewing gum.

"Shut up Craig!" they all hollared.


	4. Imaginaaation

_Sorry guys for not updating this in so long. I just didn't have the inspiration or ideas what to write next. I think there will be one last chapter..or maybe more. Any ideas? Leave me a review. Ty for still reading this though! XD_

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"What do you mean, Butters?" Kyle asked in his squeaky nerd voice, leaning in to the lunch table.

"Well-" Butters began to explain his idea, but was interrupted by the sound of his pink Hello Kitty cell phone ringing off. He frantically searched around in his Hello Kitty man purse for it, all the while getting more and more annoyed as it played a continuous loop of "Hello Kitty theme song" loudly. Okay, maybe he liked Hello Kitty games, but _this _was just starting to get ridiculous. "Son of a biscuit!" he cursed.

He finally retrieved the phone and answered it. "H-Hello?" he muttered. He heard an echo and some fuzzy background noise.

After a few seconds, a slurred voice finally spoke. "..Hey."

"Who is this?" Butters asked.

"It's me, Kenny." Kenny waved from across the lunch table, one seat away from Butters as he talked into his own piece of shit cell phone.

Butters raised an eyebrow. "Uhh..wh-what did ya need to call me for? I can hear you plain and clear from over here."

"_Let's meet in the bathroom_." Kenny replied huskily, still hung-over from a night of heavy partying, drinking and cocaine.

"Why?" Butters questioned naively.

"_You know why_." Kenny giggled loudly into the phone, his crackling laugh damaging Butters' eardrums. He winced and held the phone away from his ear. "Gosh darnit, now Kenny, I aint gay, and I aint goin' in no more bathrooms! Every time I go into one, I get raped or beat up!" he responded.

"Aw come on. Nobody will ever know." Kenny coaxed.

"We all can hear you Kenny, we're sitting right next to you." Kyle said dully as his friend hunched over the cellphone, as though attempting to talk in private.

"I'm hanging up. Goodbye!" Butters slammed the phone shut and threw it back into his purse. Er, man-purse. Kenny simply shrugged and decided to text Bebe. Then he texted Red, then Annie, then Lola, then Mary, then Heather, then Donna, then Susie, and all the other girls and random characters in this story. He melted all of their hearts with his charming winking smiley faces.

"Alright Butters, just tell us your idea already." Stan grunted. "And make it quick; I have to get to football practice." he added. "I don't know why, but coach always wants us there. He says school isn't important."

After hearing that, Kyle snorted and laughed aloud, not much unlike Steve Urkel. "Not important? Pshyeah, studying is only the most important thing in the world! Just like getting into a prestigious college is! What other purposes are there to life?"

Stan lowered his eyebrows. "Well for dumb jocks like me and Cartman, football is our _only_ chance of getting a scholarship to go to school after graduation. There's like, no other way; at all."

"Ay! I'm no dumb jock, you stupid hippie!" Cartman shouted. His insult went ignored as a heated argument broke out between the two best butt buddy friends.

"You know what? I'm tired of you playing football all the time, Stan! We never see each other anymore!" Kyle complained.

Stan looked at him blankly. "..But..we just ended up here this morning. I haven't even gotten to play football yet?" Stan said. "Oh right." Kyle replied. "Sorry dude. I guess I was supposed to say that later in the story or something. I'm still getting used to this.."

"LOOK, FELLAS!" Butters interrupted, slamming his puny fist on the table. "It's already getting too late! Don't you see, we're turning into the very characters they wrote, and you fellas don't even realize it happening!"

Kyle looked up from his advanced trigonometry book. He set it back on the table and looked down at his hands. His fingernails were severely chewed from excessive stress about tests and quizzes. And he'd not even been here a whole day yet.

"You're right, Butters. This is serious!" he said. "I mean..I'll never be smart enough to actually go to Harvard! Aghh!" Kyle, the super nerd, started to spazz out like Tweek.

Stan face palmed himself and shook his head. "How late until we're completely absorbed in our stupid roles?" he wondered. "It's going to happen eventually, whether we like it or not."

After clearing his plate full of chicken wings, Cartman finished chugging a glass of raw egg yolks and slammed it down on the table. "Dunno about you fags but _I'm_ certainly not letting myself turn into some dumbass football queer. Wouldn't mind staying the hulk though, heh heh." he chuckled.

Butters folded his hands, painted in sparkly nail polish, as he tried to explain further. "Think about it, fellas. How did these people write all these stories? What did they use?"

"The inferior frontal and superior temporal brain gyri, used in language and spee-." Kyle responded automatically, only to be cut off by Stan.

"Wait, shut up Kyle! I know this, I can do this. They use their..uhh..what's it called, again?...imagination?" Stan guessed. He smiled brightly at the prospect of remembering a big word. Cartman rolled his eyes. "I'd have to disagree, idiot boy. I don't think they use _any_ imagination in these stories." he grumbled.

"Yeah..it's just the same recycled plots over and over again." Craig chimed in. "But don't take it from me, I'm just a background character. You guys outta know it best, since you're always in these dumb things."

"Really?" Kyle seemed dumbfounded. "Wait, what if us _escaping _the plot is actually a part of the story itself? What if we really _don't _exist? Oh god!"

"Kahl, geez you need to calm down. That's probably the dumbest theory you've come up with all day, besides the relativity one." Cartman argued.

"But if it's true..that would mean we have no _real _identity, but instead an infinite number of identities. We'd exist in thousands of different parallel universes, any of which would possibly be the definite reality. All of them interconnected in a string of quantum loops and hyperfluxation cellular reflubulators.." he ranted on. ((I don't know wtf I'm talking about here. It's 2AM as I write this. :P))

"Just listen to me for a minute!" Butters begged. "There aint no big mystery; we can rewrite the story! All it takes is a little_ imaginaaation_." A big sparkly rainbow appeared over his hands as he waved them. Yes, just like that one Spongebob episode.

"Hey..he's right! Butters saved us from Imaginationland that one time, he'll be able to save us again!" Stan shouted excitedly.

Just then, the school bell rang.

"Wuh-hey, that's not what I meant..I mean, I thought you guys were gonna help me!" he sulked.

"Butters, I would love to, but ah, I think the character effect is already starting change me!" Cartman lied. "Yeah, it's like my brain is totally being controlled! Looks like it's just going to be up to _you_ to save us all. In the mean time, I'll be out on the field and giving people bloody noses."

They all got up and left the table, Kenny following a crowd of hos, Kyle heading to his Biochemical Warfare class (somehow their small town high school had the funding for such courses) and Stan and Cartman heading for football practice..class.

"Dude, do you really feel different already?" Stan questioned as they walked through the crowded halls. Cartman chuckled. "Nah, I just didn't want to sit there with Butters coming up with stupid story ideas." the hulk-like figure punched a hole in the concrete wall as they headed for the field outside.


	5. Demon New Girl

_Okay, I fail at updating stories with more than one chapter..I should have really never posted this thing until I had it all finished. *smacks head*_

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Butters sat there at the cafeteria table with his head in his hands, pondering the many possible ideas for a story ending. The cafeteria was now empty and echoed in silence, since the bell rang minutes ago. Surely this meant he was late to class, but he was confident he'd be able to rewrite a plot before his parents grounded him over it. After all, he could just write it so he _didn't _get grounded. This was _his _story now..he just had to figure out a way to change it.

A janitor came in to sweep up the floors, and Butters sheepishly grabbed his bag and notebook and got up to leave. The last thing he wanted was to get caught or sent to the principal's office. Boy howdy, his dad was like a monster in these stories, who knows what might have happened if his parents were to find out! He'd probably get beaten, killed, or worse. Just before he left, the man with the broom approached him. Butters panicked. "Uh, p-please don't report me sir, I'm heading to class right now.." he stuttered. But the janitor only raised an eyebrow and handed him a crumpled up note.

"Wuh..whats this?" he asked. Apparently, the man did not speak English. He just looked down at the kid and shrugged. "Que?" he questioned. "Is a _note_." Then went back to sweeping._ "Tonto_" the janitor muttered as the boy walked away.

Butters walked out of the cafeteria and opened up the note. It contained sloppy writing on a pastel pink sheet of paper. As he looked closer, he could make out the faintly opaque Hello Kitty print in the background. He sighed to himself. This Hello Kitty crap was really starting to irritate him.

It was hard to make out the words written down, what with the little hearts replacing every dot in the word and the swirly handwriting, but he finally managed to decipher them. The note read: "DEAR BUTTERS. YOU'RE GETTING TOO CLOSE TO A SECRET. MEET ME BEHIND THE SCHOOL AT 2PM SHARP, OR ELSE."

"Huh." he pondered. "I wonder if I should go.."

Just then, he bumped into another figure, whom he apparently hadn't noticed while looking down at the note. Of course if he _had _noticed, he would have fainted from this girl's amazing, powerful beauty. She had long, brown hair that shone like a blubbery seal out of water, and super beautiful gorgeous pretty emerald eyes that sparkled like a morning dew rainforest. Her petite, dainty, small and perfect figure wore a random emo band t-shirt, ripped skinny jeans, pink checkered converse and a matching armband, along with several jelly bracelets and piercings, ear gages and every other possible accessory you could buy from Claire's.

Wait, why am I telling you all this? Is it really necessary? Let's just continue on to the story.

So the girl smiled down at Butters as he bashfully fidgeted, her teeth gleaming like pearls casting light off a sheet of metal in the hot summer sun and..god damnit here I go again. Anyway, like I was saying, even though Butters was incredibly gay, he could not help but feel nervous around the girl. She was just_ that _gorgeous.

"Hi." she spoke up, her beautiful eyes piercing through his soul. "What's your name?"

"Uh..uh..I..I'm Butters. Who are you?" he stuttered. It was like a cosmic force was making him ten times more jittery and bashful around this girl than he was around other people.

"I'm new here. My name is Mackenzie Kayla Raindrop Penelope Lily Smith-Michaels." she greeted. Butters was about to ask how he could possibly remember such a long name, but then she added, "Though everyone calls me Maxie for short."

"O..oh. Well, uh..n..nice to meet you, Maxie." Butters just barely managed to reply. "So what are you doing in the hallways at this time? Aren't you supposed to be in class?" she asked. "I..I'm skipping." he replied shamefully, eyes trained on the ground. Maxie simply chuckled and then patted him on the back. "Don't feel so bad, I skipped every _day_ at my old school. My parents are such jerks, and it was my revenge on them for never loving me enough. I'm supposed to be in class now, but I think I'm already late. How about I just follow you instead?"

"W..well, okay. But I don't know exactly where I'm goin' either." he replied with a smile.

* * *

About a half hour later, Butters sat hunched against the wall outside of school, bored out of his mind. This girl had been droning on and on about her personal life, hobbies and interests the_ entire _time. If Butters didn't know any better, he'd say she was even more of a narcissist than Cartman was.

"Do you like music?" she chimed up again. "Y..yeah, I guess I do." Butters replied. He was now really starting to wish he'd just gone back to class. "Oh my god!" the girl screamed. "I loveee music. What a coincidence! My favorite bands are Cut Me with a Razor, My Bloody Heartbroken Valentine, The Morbid Self Pity Parade, Death In My Soul, Beep bop boop, Lalala-"

"Okay!" Butters shouted, his brave outburst startling even himself. "I don't care about your musical interests!"

Maxie looked at him with a horrific expression. "But..but you're _supposed _to. I'm pretty!"

"Well-uh..I'm sorry, but I don't think _anyone_ has the same eclectic music tastes as you...and to be honest, it would be nice if you didn't talk about yourself so much." he mustered out. The girl's mouth went agape like a fish. She looked livid. Her crystalline eyes turned into deep fire pits that could've only spawned from the pits of Hell, and two horns sprouted from the top of her head. _"I'm _fucking pretty." she growled, her voice went 5 pitches lower, into a mutated Satanic grumble. "I can talk about whatever I want! Everyone loves me!"

Butters backed away a bit when he saw the horns bursting from her temples. Maybe speaking up for himself was a bad idea after all.


End file.
